the favor of God and the lameness of me

We went out to this restaurant nearby last night, because, hey, kids eat free on wednesday nights. After we were in there a while and my kids were being......, well, kids, there was a lady near us kind of staring, i noticed with my peripheral vision. And i thought she was probably thinking about how misbehaved my kids were and i was offended. my heart was like "Whatever lady."
So i turned to her and to my surprize she had a huge smile on her face and she said "you have such a beautiful little boy" and through tears told me how he looked like her grandson. As she got up to leave she told us to have a "very blessed holiday" and while she walked on, i couldn't help but smile. Derek said, "wow that was pretty cool" I thought so too.

Then there was another lady a couple of tables away. and I noticed her in a not very nice way either. because she was very overweight and had to be pushed in a wheelchair, and was eating ALOT and at some point was on the phone discussing medical things with someone that involved her internal organs, and i was trying to eat dutch food.
So as we were getting up to leave, i happened to walk by her and when my eyes met hers, she was all aglow. She said " i saw that you have such a nice family, and i would like to give you this gift certificate. Have a merry christmas."

I was made aware again last night that i am not at all as patient or loving as i would like people to believe, and also
just a LITTLE humbled , and blessed, as things like this happen all the time and i know it is just the favor of God, because we love him and he loves us.
And thank goodness, he shows us our faults, so we have the blessed opportunity to surrender over and over again, while his love washes us and changes us.

my cousin just sent me an email entitled "i have learned". she makes lots of little squiggly marks and a lesson after each one. which i thought was a good idea. then i started thinking about what i have learned in the last year.
so, i have learned
One main thing

-to rest. We came here a year and a half ago from california, kind of beat up and worn out feeling. looking for refuge from the storm we'd been in (spiritually speaking). We spent alot of time a bit stressed, feeling like "what a we doing here?" "how are we making a difference?"
like we want our lives to count for something, we don't want to have regrets in the end. If i died tommorrow (which i could) what do i have to show for my life? Our lives are so short, and there is only one thing that matters.
our souls long for God, and we will not just hang our and be lawn ornaments, or whatever. We are determined to seek his face and long for our souls to be satisfied in Him alone.
So the resting thing.
well God has changed my heart in a way that all my passion has been pouring into prayer. and now i sit. like a seed waiting to be blown by Him. "with my wings spread out I wait" I know i will not bear any fruit unless we are planted by God.

Now we are learning (kind of relearning) to be faithful- to the max, with what he gives us each day, and trust him.

hello!!!!!
i have a working computer!!!! this is exciting, i hope. we have it hidden downstairs in a dark cold office type of room, which , i hope, will discourage me from wasting all my time on it.
and TA DA......! We have a house! i feel so grown up. my own ground outside to dig in, my own walls to paint.
man i am tired and have absolutley NO creative flow WHATsoever right now. this must be so boring to read. I feel bad for you right now.
i am going to go, but will be updating often.
bye