Why i do what i do.

Sometimes its good to remind myself of what i am doing and why. so When voices come out of the air, and have all of their belittling, accusing, degrading tones (like voices do) i can hold my head high, like i should.

What exactly is a "house-wife", "stay-at home mom", or a "homemaker". I personally like "domestic artist", because it feels dignified, and fancy, and talented. Which is how it should feel, right? For some reason, when people ask me what i do, i get this kind of ewww, feeling, and think "i just stay home with the kids". People ask me, "Don't you go crazy?" and i think, "ya sometimes", but that doesn't mean i should quit, right? a family isn't something you just walk out on. You can't just say "well i guess this is not my gift, maybe i'll go try scuba diving" God had trusted me with his children, he must think i have what it takes somewhere inside, to do this thing. Family life is something you have to look straight in the face, and wrestle, and win. You must, the lives of your children are at stake, here. I like the challenge, i like the mystery. A house-wife isn't all that i am, not in the least, but how can i do anything else, if i suck at homemaking? How can i help others, if my own family is in shambles. not cool, no, not cool. So i really have no choice, but i am glad, because there have been, and continue to be, so many hidden treasures in this thing, treasures i wasn't expecting.


There are great mysteries hidden inside of a family. When my husband holds me, I feel the loving arms of GOd, lover and Friend. When we love each other, there becomes some mysterious stability, that makes all the children at ease. And there is safety within a family, we are all in this together. I am free to pour out all the love i have, no one laughs, and it all ends up coming back to me in the end. I can be dead honest, and its OK. My husband loves me, and values my words, and feelings, and he can handle them. And when i honor, respect and trust my husband, I do so to God. When i feel the great love in my heart for my children, I feel God's great love for me. I co-labor with God, as he shows me individual strengths, weaknesses, abilities, and destinies. I am priviledged, to pray with the holy spririt for each of them. And i will always walk beside them, their biggest cheerleader, as the holy spirit does with us. As i teach the children how to relate with on another, We are humbled to realize jesus is our brother, as well as king. It is my Absolute Joy, to harness all of my wild and ravenous ambitions, and then gently and completely release them into my children.

There is so much in this, so much going on, i cannot think of doing anything else. In a blink, my kids will be old. and all of thier impressionableness, will be lost(somewhat). like hard cement. If there is one thing i do in my life, right, this must be it. It has to be.

So i fumble around, feel like i am losing my mind, often. Say sorry a million times. And teach and learn. When a child looks up at me, a mere two feet tall, big brown eyes, chubby cheeks- I am his world, and i create his world with my choices. He will meet his maker, through me, through us. Better make this a loving safe place, for them to grow, like delicate shoots, just sprouting from the ground. They will need water, sun, pruning, alot of work.....and we will see the fruit, and it will feed nations.