i am not sure what to write now. i love writing and am so glad to have a cute little apple to write on.
today i heard someone say something along the lines of, "if you don't have a relationship with God, it will show up in your relationships with others." like if you have problems developing relationships with people, then, perhaps, your relationship with the Lord isn't , i don't know, up to par, maybe. like you don't have one? i don't know.
i mean, we all have some kind of relationship with God, good or bad. it can be deep and beautiful , or rebellious and sad. maybe we just like to pretend he isn't there.
anyhow, all choose to pursue or not pursue that relationship. just like any relationship. it is up to you, how close you are. God is in constant pursuit of us, that is not the question. so it is up to us. but it takes humility. i suppose for any relationship to be authentic, and real, worth living and dying for, you must be humble, and vulnerable. you must be willing to expose your self in all your best and worst.
my thoughts are i guess that i have been at a wall, so to speak, for a while, with people. i loved when we lived in community. it was heavenly, but even then i had a problem, where i felt like i couldn't connect with people the way i wanted to, and especially now, being at home with my children. after a while at the land, i just withdrew. and i do that still.
i guess i just want to know how to break that withdrawl cycle. and how to be unashamedly real with God and others. but need to start with Him.
But how do i do that? i like to feel like i have come to a place where i can say i really know something, like look how far i have come. a + b= c . its easy. but it is not, and i find myself having to reveal myself again, to be humble again, and to lay everything down again. to be vulnerable again. i guess i just want to live in the place of constant unashamedness, and vulnerability. where i can feel free to grow in healthy relationship with others, and HIM of course.
hmmmm.
well posting this would be rather vulnerable, so i suppose i could start there.
post aWAY!!!!!!!!